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~ as written by Linda Kavelin Popov
Virtues Project Reflection Cards
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MY TWO SENSE:
In considering the list above I realize that I am doing a lot to support Steadfastness in my life. I'm not saying I am perfect or there isn't room for improvement, I'm saying it wasn't until I saw "I don't allow doubts or tests to blow me off course" that I recognized a place to really grow. The rest of the points I feel for the most part, I have a handle on. I am mindful about what I say yes to and I often say no when the task is not on my path; I remain true to my purpose which is at this point figuring out exactly what my purpose is, then making a plan and going for it; I pace myself with time to work, garden, rest, play, time for myself and time with family and friends. I am faithful to my relationships by being actively involved in cultivating the best for all; I take what comes and I persevere. Where I see a need for growth is in not allowing tests and doubts to blow me off course. This has been a recent challenge for me that I am aware of and working on.
I have been reviewing my life-history in order to uncover any harmful beliefs I may have taken-on in my life and I found a couple of doozies. Let me talk about one in particular and make it clear that I hold no fault in my mother who was party to what may be the root of them all. I have a distinct recollection of being 2 or 3 years old, standing at my bedroom window, watching my mom driving away and crying my eyes out. My frame of mind was in panic and despair, my heart was breaking and my imagination was feeding me completely wrong information. You see in those moments, night after night I cried my eyes out watching my mother leave for work, believing she was leaving me. Over and over I knew in my heart that I would NEVER see her again. Through the rationale of my impressionable mind, I believed it and nothing, not even seeing her in the morning, would convince me otherwise. Day after day I would repeat this experience and although I don't know how long I carried on, it was long enough to leave a lasting impression. I recall being absolutely amazed that the depth of my love and my pain was not enough to turn her car around. I remember imagining that if she could see me and hear the pain in my cries, that I could bring her back to me. I saw her look up at me standing in the window... I thought she must have heard me, her window was down. She smiled and waved and drove away. This sealed the deal and I remember my knees going week and dropping in a heap on the floor -- I implanted the idea within myself that I was not important enough.
The science of neuroplasticity is showing us that the "beliefs" we acquire (consciously and unconsciously) can lay claim in our hearts and act as the under-tone of what we consciously believe. Up until recently I had forgotten this experience and what is simply amazing to me is that my 2 year old irrational logic got trapped in the trauma and wrapped with all the sights, sounds and smells, reinforcing my beliefs of the experience. Our body remembers too.
So our beliefs are steadfast in nature too and designed to trigger our survival instincts. Whether true or untrue, they serve as the underpinning of who we really are. So, I have journeyed into the shadow here and discovered this untrue belief about myself and through steadfastness, I trust I will also find my way out of this place.
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