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~ as written by Linda Kavelin Popov
Virtues Project Reflection Cards
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MY TWO SENSE:
This virtue hit me like a WHACK upside the head. I have spent the last 30 years thinking that the choice I made to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me was the healthiest one. In reality that choice may have left me quite un-finished. I have truly believed that I had no hidden resentments; no unresolved issues. I believed that my choice to protect myself was enough to equal the karma that forgiving can create. I believed I had nothing to hide from, nothing to deal with and nothing to mend. A few days ago when I picked this card, I discerned how wrong I was. I went into some deep, dark places with the light of forgiveness and I recognized that I have buried some pretty important nuggets. These nuggets are long forgotten and seemingly disregarded but when I reflect on the "climate" of my present life, this light clearly shows me that I have only managed to hide.
What am I hiding from and how has it compromised my progress? These are the questions I have been focused on over the last 4 days. I have some answers and I still am open to the questions. I believe I have been unknowingly hiding in my belief that if I am not twisted up about an issue, then I must be okay. Wrong! It's called denial folks and it comes as a double edged sword. The immediate result is peaceful but deep down inside, it clouds my eyes, my capacity to believe. I have realized that denial can easily leave me in a false state of calm and regardless of how I rationalize it in my mind, my body is the one who has to manage the stress of the silent emotional hijacking.
Now 30 years later, I see the problem with burying issues rather than practicing true forgiveness. You see: It is my silence, enveloped by untrue beliefs that manifest what lay in the very depth of my being and where that burden of denial manifests. I at 50, am experiencing a new phase of who I really am. Is this a midlife crisis, like menopause predicts? Today, I wonder if it is more about the need to practice forgiveness in some very specific areas that will allow me to release myself to choose a new path. Time will tell.
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