01/02/2020 - Surrender to your Soul
|20/20 Vision: Whole Circle Living ©|
So let's be clear. I've always had abandonment and betrayal issues - always. I think it may have started when I was in utero; my father had a long affair with my mother's best friend at the time; my mother's emotions, dealing with her own instincts throughout the deceit - I was swimming in my mothers grief and long effected after he left when I was 2.
As a grown woman and a mother myself, Suspected or confirmed, I know the power of emotions. They've been known to completely rob me of experiencing anything in the 'now', in fact my trauma response seems to hijack thoughts from 'now' and force them into the past or future - there's a time where it's impossible to face the truth of the present. Once I can, it's another trauma. What's the issue?
What I think I've come to in my 58 years, the lesson here that I keep bumping into is that it's not actually the issue that's the issue, it's the repetition of the lesson and my lack of understanding the lesson it serves my Soul. So until I start asking questions like, "What is it that I have not been healing/dealing or revealing? How I get in touch with the answer of this question?" nothing I do seems to matter! I don't get beyond the issue to look at the lesson when I'm just fixing the wound. It's important to stop the bleed but more-so to find the lesson.
I can seek answers outside of myself or I can learn to seek guidance from within myself. In 2020 I believe it's time to take this healing more seriously, and more joyfully, in order to transform and transcend the lessons. I am breaking patterns!
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